permission granted.

So yesterday I got a letter in the mail saying that my residency visa to remain in Germany has been extended for 2 years the card will come to the local foreigners office. I must make an appointment with the foreigner's office 5 days after the notice was sent to me. Ok. thats fine.

Then I opened the second letter. Another government agency wants to see proof within the next 7 days that I have current residency visa. That would mean I have to get the appointment very quickly and sometimes that just doesn't happen.

The govenmental offices here are all connected. They look at each others information constantly and call each other with the telephone. I don't understand the necessity of bugging me for information they already have.

Case in point. after moving to a new apartment and registering the move at the residents office, I recieved a letter from the automotive department. They said I needed to change my address there as well. I thought to myself, >they must be crazy. They have my new address already otherwise it wouldn't be possible to send me letters.<

The reality is the entire government here is crazy. I sometimes wonder between their coffee, breakfast, smoking, lunch and the "whenever they don't feel like talking to you" breaks when do they actually find the time to do their jobs..... making me jump through hoops.

Friendship in Germany.

Making friends here is sometimes more complicated than it has to be. I like you, you like me, lets hang out. Nope, not here. First you have to meet someone, become acquaintances and rise through the ranks of friendship. This must all happen of course through the German way of doing things; the true masters of bureaucracy.


Step 1.

You must first be introduced. This will happen through friends or at a social function. If you have no friends this step is even harder. Introducing yourself will make you look like a total stalker.
Step 2.

You must bump into the desired future friend(dff). Don't expect more than a courteous "hello". At this point make sure that your face lights up even when theirs doesn't. The dff will probably just walk by. When the dff goes out of their way to engage you then proceed to step three.

Step 3.
You now make an appointment to do something noncommittal. Now you make an appointment for a cup of coffee next week on a Tuesday. Now you are on the level of acquaintances. Engage only in small talk and reveal nothing too personal, after all this is not your friend yet.

Step 4.
Make further appointments (Yes Germans love appointments). After years of appointment you will become buddies, pals and then hopefully friends.



Notice: friends of the opposite sex are taboo. Russians in particular think that you only want to sleep with them if you so much as say hello. Being an American is also helpful, but then you are more of a novelty.

Battle of the Bush!

One evening as I went for a walk at 11PM, I happend on a bush with six legs sticking out in all directions. Suddenly three young men clambered out of the bush only to dive back into the bush, flying like superman, after one of the men yelled, "Enemy contact!" Feet were once again sticking out in every direction. "Where is my camera when I need it," I asked myself outloud. This elicited a response...
Suddenly the three young men sprang out bush one threw his arm over my shoulder and started trying make fun of me for being a german. Typical behavior of the British soldiers here. I said, "Hey, take it easy. That's funny and all but I am an American." Then the tune completely changed, instant friend status and an invitation to go drink followed. One of the more drunken soldiers didn't quite understand still and said to me, "You aint got me fooled you Nazi-kraut!" his friends hit him calling him an idiot and explained that I am really a Colonial.... =)
After having gained the trust of a Corporal, he explained that he is applying to be a police officer in America. He said that after 8 years in the Army that he has more experience with drugs having tried every one. "Who better for the Job? Right!?!" I said that he sould make sure to explain that exactly so during his interviews....
One of the younger drunken soldiers bit off a large chunk of a bush and brandished it in his teeth . Another not wanting to be outdone came running to us with a large potted plant hanging from his teeth.
I eventually was able to tear myself away from them but not before i witnessed countless acts of violence on poor bushes and other vegitation.

An American in Paderborn

If Gershwin were to have composed about Paderborn the piece would have been short, simple and have probally brought him ridicule. Its a nice small major city-village. That is going to need some explaining.


Paderborn is Germany's smallest metropolis. Its population is slightly over 144,000. It is about an hour from Dortmund (the next major city and start of the sprawling urban jungle known as the Ruhrgebiet). The people and city here are very charming in their own way, but it is very much a village in terms of shopping and activities. There is little selection in goods and everyone carries the same products. The city is also a melting pot. 10% of the population immigrated from former Soviet Republics. 10% are English soldiers and their families. The rest are Germans, Italians,Turks, Arabs, Slavs, Chinese, Thai, Africans and then me.


When I first moved here everyone thought I would be bored to tears. Anaheim, my birthplace has a population of over 300,000 and Orange County has everything a person could ever want in an urban environment. That said I feel very comfortable here, and am never left wanting for action. I seem to be a magnet for crazy events and a point of interrest for the locals.

This blog is going to document my life here in Paderborn, Germany; poke fun at myself and the people I meet each day. Just don't expect too much. Grammar will take second chair to the ramblings of my brain.

Neighbors

We had an apartment in the city center. The only major positive thing there is that is was centeral to everything. One reason we hated it was because it was too loud. Drunken soldiers and students would sometimes wake us in the middle of the night with their shouting/singing. The solution was to move to a new and better apartment further away. At first everything seemed better, till the neighbors started arguing.


It is an older couple in thier 60s, a nice sweet grandmother and grandfather type. He offers to help when ever I need it and she always has a smile for us. I thought they seemed perfect. It's amazing how when you think something is perfect it rarely is...


On the first evening after we settled in the neighbors started screaming at each other full of hatred and rage . I have no idea what they scream since it is in Polish, but the foriegn language makes it sound all the worse. I thought for sure we have to call the police! One of them was going to DIE! I was sure of it, but there was no sounds of a fight other than verbal. As i write this they are currently screaming at each other. Maybe its a cultural thing and I just don't understand it. That wouldn't be the first time i missunderstood the way communication occurs under another culture.


My wife says that they have misplace passion. If they took that energy and made love with it they probally wouldn't have anything to fight about. What do people that old have to fight about anyway? This leads me speculate:





Wife: Hey Jerkface! You squeezed the toothpaste from the middle... AGAIN!!! And the toilet seat was left in the UP position!!!


Man: Listen Witch! it's a toilet seat with hindges it works both ways. if its up you can lower it!!! I
don't scream that you left the lid closed, do I ???





Ok maybe they do have legitimate arguments but I wish they wouldn't scream at each other so much it really kills the mood when I am trying to put the moves on my wife. Then again it kills the atmoshphere of everything. I was reading to the kids when their uproar really killed the awesome moment I was having. Maybe I should talk to them, or do something totally passive-agressive like put a marriage counseling flyer in their mailbox.



I remember listening to my Dad's 2nd wife (a real witch if there ever was one) scream at him. My God, the woman was at the time 70! She had some really choice cuss words for him. Everything from Jackass to F%&k$ng A$$&%le. My dad said nothing mean to her. What was she upset about? He wanted to spend some time with his boys.



Life is really short... too short to spend it fighting and arguing about things that in the long run don't matter. If things are really that bad... get out! Enjoy the time you have. Enjoy life. Don't sqaunder it with someone who brings you down! See your kids! See your friends! Most of all don't bring me down with your negativity too.