Friendship in Germany.

Making friends here is sometimes more complicated than it has to be. I like you, you like me, lets hang out. Nope, not here. First you have to meet someone, become acquaintances and rise through the ranks of friendship. This must all happen of course through the German way of doing things; the true masters of bureaucracy.


Step 1.

You must first be introduced. This will happen through friends or at a social function. If you have no friends this step is even harder. Introducing yourself will make you look like a total stalker.
Step 2.

You must bump into the desired future friend(dff). Don't expect more than a courteous "hello". At this point make sure that your face lights up even when theirs doesn't. The dff will probably just walk by. When the dff goes out of their way to engage you then proceed to step three.

Step 3.
You now make an appointment to do something noncommittal. Now you make an appointment for a cup of coffee next week on a Tuesday. Now you are on the level of acquaintances. Engage only in small talk and reveal nothing too personal, after all this is not your friend yet.

Step 4.
Make further appointments (Yes Germans love appointments). After years of appointment you will become buddies, pals and then hopefully friends.



Notice: friends of the opposite sex are taboo. Russians in particular think that you only want to sleep with them if you so much as say hello. Being an American is also helpful, but then you are more of a novelty.